GETTING MARRIED?
Thinking About Having a Prenuptial Agreement?
Wondering where to begin?
Mediating Prenups details how to begin the process by choosing mediation as the best first step in creating a marriage-friendly prenuptial agreement. In the book, the author describes the potential problems that develop when beginning with the usual attorney-led negotiations, both by initiating a damaging power imbalance as well as engaging in inflexibility that can harm the viability of a marriage. Those standard methods result in creating terms embedded in the resulting the prenup that can diminish marital contentment and resilience.
Mediating Prenups describes a better process: By working within mediation at the outset, an engaged couple can develop terms collaboratively, which benefit both future spouses (and the relationship itself) over time in their marriage. Finally, the author explains, in detail, the mediation process which she has found to be effective in helping future spouses come to an agreement regarding the financial terms of their marriage-terms that actually support the upcoming marriage when a prenuptial agreement is needed.
With a clarity and grace that comes from years of experience helping couples through the pain of divorce, and now helping couples create healthy marriages, Laurie Israel shares her insightful, optimistic, and grounded wisdom on building a strong, collaborative marriage. She details how mediation can be used to solve the financial issues inherent in marriage, including in second marriages, marriages with children of wealth, business owner marriages. The book also addresses how to think about and resolve many other financial issues encountered when marrying, whether or not there will be a prenup.
Mediating Prenups is a perfect companion to Laurie Israel’s previous two books about prenuptial agreements. In this book she finds just the right balance between being a step-by-step how-to book and a deeper more philosophical dive into the concept of prenups, money and marriage, and a healthy way to think about them.
Mediating Prenups is a gem of a book. In short, concise chapters, it is a thought-provoking read for marrying clients, their advisors and equally for attorneys and mediators, who care about creating a peaceful and collaborative process for couples working on prenuptial agreements. The book contains loads of tips, both small and large, for negotiating an agreement which focuses on the long-term health of the marriage, not just an agreement to protect the financial assets or income of one or both of the parties.
Shocking, but true, as Laurie points out, when financial advisors and attorneys fail to discuss prenups with their clients using a marriage-supportive lens, it actually serves to create marital risk rather than mitigate it. The book provides solid advice for building a happy life with a new spouse, digs us out of the era of marriage-weakening prenups, and spiritedly charts a new way forward.
Amazon Reviews:
“A very sensible approach to prenups.”
This book is especially helpful to more mature persons contemplating prenups and marriage. The author carefully uses the word “Generous” to underscore that generosity is a key to a loving, lasting relationship. As a retired pastor, I have seen marriages founder when one or both partners are more selfish than generous. I heartily commend this book”
“Incredibly insightful and practically useful!”
This book has completely transformed not only the way I viewed prenups, but the way I viewed marriage. A must read if you’re getting married. Will update review when I finish book!
Update, Several Years Later: Yup, this book has made a huge difference in our marriage. I can see our marriage having a very different vibe if we had not read this book. I imagine us feeling more like two individuals in a partnership vs us in a marriage. So glad I read it.
“Incredibly insightful and practically useful!”
This book has completely transformed not only the way I viewed prenups, but the way I viewed marriage. A must read if you’re getting married. Will update review when I finish book!
Update, Several Years Later: Yup, this book has made a huge difference in our marriage. I can see our marriage having a very different vibe if we had not read this book. I imagine us feeling more like two individuals in a partnership vs us in a marriage. So glad I read it.
Informative, eloquent.
Recently, upon being exposed to the subject of a prenup, I found this book to broaden my horizons. I had listened to a few podcasts and watched a few videos to understand more about this topic previously. Written by someone who practices law would be helpful & so I ordered this book to learn more about the foundations, cause, and effects of prenup on a relationship. I wanted to have as much information as possible before I apply this subjectively in my life, someday. The author has organized this book well enough for the audience to skip the details (as chapters) that could be unnecessary in their situation. I was impressed with how the author has been eloquent about minute details, providing examples where possible to explain better. I read multiple ideas and ingredients that I had never encountered before, which were brilliant.
“Must read if you’re considering a Cohab, Marriage or Domestic Partnership.”
This book gave me the framework to discuss sensitive issues related to a contract my sig other wants to give to me. He feels like it’s a generous gesture on his part, I feel like it isn’t concrete enough, excludes too much and wont provide for me when I need it most. Because of this book I am able to ask him questions about compassionate “what if” scenarios that have him back to redrafting the entire agreement. I cannot be more appreciative!”
“Insightful and informative.”
Well written, smart and clear useful information. Table of contents and introduction make it easy to choose chapters most relevant to one’s situation. Highly recommend!”
“Very Helpful Book.
Excellent book to help guide your conversations regarding finances leading into marriage.“
“Balanced, detailed, thought provoking.
If you are in the US and considering a prenup, you need this book! This is the third book I’ve read on prenups and hands down the best. There is a lot of legal detail (including about what kinds of agreements are possible in various states). Author approaches the subject very thoughtfully and describes some typical clauses and legal language, and why you might or might not want to go that route. Well reasoned. Not heavy in legalese. Informative. Really enjoyed this book.”
“Most helpful tool during an unexpected stressful time
Happened upon this book as this topic arose in my life unexpectedly. I was so pleasantly surprised to read a point of view that was so similar to my own emotionally, yet coming from an attorney! Ms. Israel’s perspective and knowledge clearly comes from vast experience, caring, and a pragmatic way of looking at potentially corrosive situations. She has helped open my mind to even considering this. I also suspect this book, in its vast scope, will be a useful tool in years to come.”
“Read this book if you are getting married!”
Laurie Israel doesn’t just understand law–she understands people. This book is a must for anyone considering marriage, whether a “prenup” is part of the consideration or not, because what it does is clarify precisely how money and marriage are related. It is no accident that many couples argue about money, and feel empowered or disempowered because of it. Women or men who feel they “don’t need” to consider a prenup, or are excluding it on a moral basis, need to read this book. Compulsively well-written, clear, intelligent, and surprisingly compassionate advice for men or women who marry, at any time of life.”
“Wow, so helpful!”
This book has completely transformed not only the way I viewed prenups, but the way I viewed marriage. A must read if you’re getting married. Will update review when I finish book!”
“Readable and Informative
This clearly written and well organized book introduces readers with no legal background to the ins and outs of prenuptial agreements. More than just a review of legal issues and how-to directions, the book offers thoughtful comment on relevant emotional and moral concerns. The author points out, for instance, that marriage offers both partners certain legal protections: in signing a prenup, one partner is voluntarily renouncing those protections. After reading this book, anyone would think twice about signing a prenup . . . and think twice about asking someone else to sign one.”
Leading Experts’ Reviews:
She did it again. Laurie’s latest book, Mediating Prenups, is a perfect companion to her previous two books about prenuptial agreements. I highly recommended its inclusion on the to-do list for any couple contemplating a prenup. Laurie’s book finds just the right balance between being a step-by-step how-to book and a deeper more philosophical dive into the concept of prenups and a healthy way to think about them.
-Oran Kaufman, Esq., Attorney/Mediator, Amherst, Massachusetts
Mediating Prenups is a life-changing, practice-altering masterpiece. Laurie has re-framed the way I approach the most important decisions a couple can make before they marry-it has caused me to shift my views on prenups by 180 degrees.
-Ashley Andrews, Esq., Collaborative lawyer and Mediator, Arcadia, California
Laurie Israel has written THE definitive book on mediating prenups, which is not merely a highly useful addition to her previous books, but an invaluable guide to practicing mediators and couples delving into the nuts and bolts of overcoming any impasse and reaching fair and intelligent agreements. It is wise and brilliant, insightful and practical, and no one should mediate without it.
-Kenneth Cloke, mediator and author of The Magic in Mediation and The Dance of Opposites, Santa Monica, California
Mediating Prenups is a gem of a book. In short, concise chapters, it is a thought-provoking read for marrying clients, and equally for attorneys and mediators, who care about creating a peaceful and collaborative process for couples working on prenuptial agreements. The book contains loads of tips, both small and large, for negotiating an agreement which focuses on the long-term health of the marriage, not just an agreement to protect the financial assets or income of one or both of the parties; this feels like such an important distinction in making a prenuptial agreement “successful.”
-Amy Carron Day, Esq, Day Law and Mediation, New York, New York
Laurie Israel has achieved something unique and essential: she’s penned a book on prenuptial agreements that doesn’t view love as a legal liability. Mediating Prenups presents a considerate, compassionate, and deeply experienced perspective on infusing intention and empathy into one of the most emotionally charged legal documents. With her wealth of experience spanning decades, Laurie dismantles the conventional adversarial approach to prenups and demonstrates why mediation is an essential tool for preserving relationships.
-Shawn Weber, JD, Attorney, Mediator, Trainer, Solana Beach, California
For couples considering marriage, and their advisors, Laurie Israel’s new book, Mediating Prenups, is an investment that powerfully helps create strong relationships. Understanding how to discuss prenuptial agreements is a crucial step for a couple’s premarital conversations. Shocking, but true, as Laurie points out, when financial advisors and attorneys fail to discuss prenups with their clients using a marriage-supportive lens, it actually serves to create marital risk rather than mitigate it. I strongly recommend this book for professionals working in the marital field, and as a gift for couples to give themselves.
-Clare Fowler, author of Rising Above Office Conflict, Vice President of ODR.com
Chapter List
Table of Contents
Mediating Prenups: A Better Path Forward for Marriage-Positive Prenuptial Agreements
Table of Contents
Introduction
Chapter 1: The Traditional Prenup Problem
Chapter 2: The Disconnect Between a Loving Relationship and a Prenup
Chapter 3: The Mediation Alternative
Chapter 4: How Mediators Improve the Process
Chapter 5: The Primary Theoretical Approaches to Mediation
Chapter 6: Why Add the Extra Cost of Mediation to the Costs of Generating a Prenup
Chapter 7: A Cautious Approach to Prenuptial Agreements
Chapter 8: The Problem with Believing the Media about the Need to Have a Prenup
Chapter 9: Addressing Divorce Terms, Inheritance, and the Mediator’s Role in Providing Information
Chapter 10: Taking the Next Step: Attorney Representation
Chapter 11: Mediator as Advisor
Chapter 12: A Framework for Mediating Prenuptial Agreements
Chapter 13: Call It “A Financial Plan for Your Marriage”
Chapter 14: The Dangers of “Boilerplate”
Chapter 15: Addressing Divorce Terms in Prenup Mediation
Chapter 16: Selecting and Working with Reviewing/Drafting Attorneys in the Mediation Process
Chapter 17: Moving Beyond Standard Provisions When Addressing Premarital Debt
Chapter 18: Separate Property and Marital (Community) Property
Chapter 19: Separate Property Leads to Separateness
Chapter 20: The Importance of the Marital Home
Chapter 21: Ways to Blend Separate Property into Marital Property During Marriage
Chapter 22: What Does Consideration Have to Do with It
Chapter 23: The Joint (Ad)venture of Marriage
Chapter 24: When a Future Spouse is Engaged in a Business
Chapter 25: Children of Wealthy Families
Chapter 26: The Challenges and Opportunities of Second Marriage Prenups
Chapter 27: Gifting Out Assets During Marriage
Chapter 28: Making Gifts to Children During Second Marriages
Chapter 29: Managing a Client-Centered Process with a Non-Collaborative Opposing Counsel
Chapter 30: Mediating Postnuptial Agreements
Chapter 31: Using Collaborative Practice in Prenuptial and Postnuptial Agreement Creation
Chapter 32: Mediating Cohabitation Agreements for Unmarried Partners
Chapter 33: The Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) Clause in Prenuptial Agreement
Conclusion
About the Author
Acknowledgements
Legal Disclaimer
